Picking a Mate: is it Shallow to be Superficial?

All too often it is said that “it is what is inside that counts” or “don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” Personally, I believe when you have finally decided to settle down with that special someone, that special someone should be special because you have a balanced mix of being attracted to them physically as well as emotionally.

The human being is unique because of the constant interaction of the body with the mind and vice versa. At times, the body has the majority of the control, such as when a person is engaged in sports. Other times, the mind is in the driver seat while the body rides shotgun, such as when a person is taking an exam. In a partner, then, has to be qualities that both the body and the mind can love.

In other words, your mate should be someone you find both attractive and can connect emotionally. An attractive partner allows for a physical attraction that keeps you focused on your partner intead of getting distracted by someone else. Furthermore, during hard times when a couple isn’t getting along, maybe not even on speaking terms anymore (so the emotional interaction is fairly low), one might think, “hey, she looks pretty good…better than anything I could get on the street with the money I have in my wallet right now.” and choose to stick around. Most importantly, romantic physical interaction is a means of expressing your overall love for each other. Flirting may represent the playfulness between the couple, the friendship between the couple, but expressed in a sexual way so that there is a special affection between two people. For many, making love might be the culmination of romantic physical interaction. Two people get as close as they can with the other (literally) with such trust in the other that they completely give themselves over to their partner. Finally, cuddling, although the simplest, might be the most important indication of the state of your relationship.

I once asked someone how they knew they were in love with their wife. Their response was that cuddling with their special someone just on a couch and just watching TV was the happiest moment of their day. A while after people are married, the lust, “honeymoony love,” and puppylove affection fades; life gets repetitive. If just sitting on the couch and holding your husband or wife is the highlight of your day, your husband or wife must be the most important person to you.

Caring about the looks of one’s partner is not shallow.