Series: How to be an Ass Pt. 1

My friend was complaining that my true personality isn’t coming through my journal entries. If you ask people who know me, they would probably list “he’s an ass” as one of my top “attributes.” Careful, do not confuse being an ass with being a jerk. A jerk is simply mean. An ass, on the other hand, has uniquely tasteful humor expressed in a sarcastically teasing manner. It’s somewhat like the sarcasm you find in GOOD sitcoms where everyone in the show and the audience is amused except for the subject of a joke or comment, who is not so much angered as just “oh! you got me this time!” Yes, despite the unsophisticated title of “an ass,” being able to do it well and have it be one of my top attributes takes sound judgement and a good sense of humor….and I’ve gotten very good at it. So, to help you become a more interesting person and add amusing moments into your boring lives, I give you the following tutorial series: How to be an Ass.

(1) Lets begin with an easy one. Simply take note of something slightly embarrassing someone does only once or twice by accident, then bring it up every so often when you’re in a similar situation. For example:

Your friend accidentally washes white with colors and has the common sense to wear their new pink-colored shirt. That should bring on jokes by itself, but a few days or months later when they ask you

“how does this shirt look?”
“It’s ok, but the color is too even and there’s not enough pink.”

or….

“how does this shirt look?”
“Hey, is that shirt even clean? There’s no pink blotches so I can’t tell if you washed it.”

There, subtle and not mean, but a joke is made and you both get to relive the memory of that previous incident.